The codependant relationship and how its played out on the screen

"Codependency: Co-dependency is a learned behavior that can be passed down from one generation to another. It is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual’s ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is also known as “relationship addiction” because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive. The disorder was first identified about ten years ago as the result of years of studying interpersonal relationships in families of alcoholics. Co-dependent behavior is learned by watching and imitating other family members who display this type of behavior." 

Taken from http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/co-dependency

Firstly, this can be a heavy subject but I feel that it is such a wide spread issue that can effect us in so many ways. It can be shown to us unknowingly with everything we see and watch, especially on television. I felt it was very relevant to my chosen TV show that I am currently researching, as this seems to be a constant theme in the main character’s relationships. This is also relevant to the relationship I am creating for it, and in this post I will explain why I think so.

I learned a lot about Codependency and love addiction through my own relationships and personal growth. I read ‘Women, Sex and Addiction’ when I was 24, as I needed a deeper understanding of why I behaved the way I do in my own personal relationships and why I find my self in the same cycle. The one thing I noticed, when I had finished this book, is how often the dynamics of many relationships showed these issues and how common these types of relationships were. Once I had read the book, and others, I noticed that these kinds of relationships are fed to us and glamourised all the time. The media headlines and articles constantly give us subliminal messages about rescuing each other, being one’s knight in shining armor, 'can’t live without you’ types of relationships etc. These are sometimes romantic story lines, which can have happy endings, but most of the time, it’s replaying this fantasy idea that you cannot be happy without 'the one'. 

It is constantly the subject of conversation and given to us as our life long goal. We have to find 'the one' and be happy. We are taught that you will be incomplete if you end up alone. We are also taught how to keep relationships like this, and how giving you up, to fill up the other person, is usually the only answer. 

Of course this isn't the root of where our issues come from but I do feel that the media does not help when trying to grow away from this unrealistic and unnecessary idea. From reading this book I learned of how many of us actually have these tendencies and where they are usually learned. It can be any type of missing piece from your child hood, anything that has created a hole that you feel compelled to fill. It can also be learned behaviour from another family member who has the same issue. It travels through the generations and can be more serious and develop into more serious addictions like sex, drugs and alcohol etc.

Of course not many people are aware of this common issue and fail to recognize the impact the media and TV shows have on it, and also how common a theme it appears to be on TV. Television has changed dramatically over the past 10 years. It is not  dissimilar to soft pornography and personally I wouldn't disagree. I have watched True Blood and I love the show. I love the passion and the electricity between the characters and the fantasy storylines, but I have found myself awkwardly sitting next to my mum, watching a pretty raunchy scene, feeling extremely awkward, and not really understanding why there are 50 couple's having sex in the middle of Sookie's garden. I'm of course referring to season 2 with the crazy Maenad Lady Maryann. This is one of many explicit scenes. I don't mind sex scenes of course, I'm not a prude but I feel they have come a long way from subtle. This oversexed theme that is so overbearing in these shows is keeping the focus on the idea that sex is the main part of the relationship.

I have, as many other viewers have, seen the crazy number of people latch on to these shows because of this raunchiness, and I always wonder why.

I think, maybe it’s almost a way of working out our urges and issues by watching other people work out theirs. Living vicariously through them and living in a fantasy for the short time of the episode. I feel sometimes that these shows almost act as an enabler to the viewer. Because there are so many of these shows around and they are so popular and filled with so much sex and violence, it starts to normalize it. The viewer loves the excitement and drama and loves to watch the incredibly dysfunctional relationships implode, and recover, only to implode again. It brings me back to what I was talking about earlier. These types of relationships are incredibly codependent and dysfunctional, but because it’s so normalized it makes it harder to recognize the problem. It is feeding us the same unhealthy message and pulls on our urges and dreams of the romantic passionate relationship

With this research I want to create a believable relationship between Quentin and Claudia. I think that  not only will this information help with building my characters, It will also help the characters fit into True Blood in a believable way. This was really helpful when writing my story and delving deeper into their issues with themselves and each other.

Reference: Charlotte Davis Kasl,(1990) Women Sex and Addiction: Search for Love and power, New York City, Harper Perennial